Nov 29th I know it's not Thanksgiving but I missed it by a little this year. Well not entirely just the day. My sister and brother in law brought us a fantastic meal. They brought it to us on Wednesday night. Smart thinking. The day of chemo I usually feel pretty good until about bedtime so this gave us a little time to have dinner. Both boys were home and we all sat down and ate together. I didn't get to eat a whole lot due to all the fun chemo gives you the first night of treatment, but what I ate was wonderful. Dan & the boys made up for what I didn't eat. I always love to watch them eat, It's like an art form :)
This year instead of our usual prayer at dinner, you know most familes have one, I had to really think about what I'm thankful for. Of course, I'm thankful for the usual, about also maybe the unusual too. I'm thankful for Dan. My mom always told me that God sent Dan to us. He was needed. I need him and the boys needed him and I know with all my heart that we always will. He completed our family and filled a large hole. For this I will always be grateful. I'm thankful my boys were both home for the holiday this year. Usually I'm thankful they have jobs, lol, but this year....I'm just glad they're home. This year I'm thankful for my job. Not only that I have one but that the one I have has given me an extended family that I will always cherish. This year I'm thankful for my family... sisters, cousins, aunts, uncles etc. Not that I have them but because even though we live far away from each other I still consider us close knit. I'm thankful that we are involved in each others lives and are not strangers. I'm thankful for my inlaws. They really aren't inlaws, they are my family. I could never have asked for a more loving family to come in to. They opened their arms and hearts and have always made me feel that I am truly a part of the family. I'm thankful for Dan's job. Wow, where would we be without it. Kinder Elec is not only a job though, it's also part of our extended family. There isn't a person there that I don't truly love. Last but not least, my friends. All of you that don't fall in the "family category". You are my family each and everyone of you. I am so blessed. I think this illness has taught me the greatest gift that we can have in life is our family. Without it we have nothing. All the good health and great wealth are nothing without the people in our lives that we share it with.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Hair Raising.
Nov 21st. Well I think it's starting. While I was sitting at the table working a puzzle today my hair started coming out. It's a subtle thing, I'm not sure what I had expected. I didn't wake up and find myself bald with all my hair on my pillow. I didn't wash my hair and find it all in the drain. I actually just ran my hands thru my hair and came out with a hand full. I've been told this was coming but I won't say it wasn't a shock. I'm not sure it wasn't as big of a shock as finding out I have cancer. I'm mad at myself for even caring. It's just hair right? That's what I keep telling myself but I sure didn't keep that in mind when I saw it in my hand. Of course, l was by myself so I didn't have anyone to laugh about it with. Dan is almost always with me but being the sweet soul he is, he had gone to put gas in my car and to buy me coffee. Boy when he walked in the door though. He probably thought someone had died. Now just so your getting the true picture, I'm NOT bald yet. I don't even look like I'm losing any hair. I have a bunch to loose before anyone could ever tell. I'm not sure what happened to me at that moment where I found the hair in my hand. Maybe it was just all of my emotions about cancer coming out??? I will tell you that this won't happen much. I know you're suppose to allow yourself to cry but I can't allow myself to be bogged down in self pity. I have not been given a death sentence I've been given a barrier to climb over....and I will climb it.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
What is normal?
Nov 20th I went to lunch with my girls today. It was so great getting out of the house and doing something different. Something normal. We met at BJ's at Greenwood mall. One of my favorite places. Not sure if I told you but the doctor told me that my tastebuds will change during chemo. Some of my favorite foods and drinks will no longer be my favorite. Well I've found one thing....wine. Oh believe me I've tried just to be sure, but oh my, it's nasty. I haven't really tried a lot. One glass Friday night and another at BJ's. Isn't that a strange thing to be effected? Oh well I guess if that's the worst thing right? I have notice other foods that don't quite taste the same...milk, cereal,donuts & coke but alcohol is the worst. Taste like metal. I guess all this wine I've been collecing will just wait until summer.
I tell you though, when I got home I was so tired. Probably just for the reason that I haven't really gotten out and gone anywhere since starting chemo. I think sometimes the more you sit around the more you want to sit around. I know that sounds like there's an easy fix for it but sometimes I just don't want to get up and move. Well I go from the bed to the couch and then in about an hour or two I take my little trip and go back to the bed :) I figure I'm getting my exercise just going back and forth. lol.
This was a pretty good weekend. I've felt closer to my old self than I have in a couple of weeks. I even put makeup on :) One thing about feeling better is I'm able to help around the house. Poor Dan, he's taken it all on, cleaning, cooking, laundry. He's has been so great thorough all of this. This weekend though I'm getting some things done. Can you believe how happy I am to do a little housework. No sweeping due to the port but dishes and laundry. Don't I sound excited? Is that sad or what. Chores make me happy HAHAHAHA
Now don't ask me ask me about it next weekend...I'm sure it won't last.
I'm adding a couple of pics of gifts that I have received from people. It's just a couple. I have received SO many. I think when I get gifts from now on I'm going to take a picture right then so I don't forget. Well I probably won't photograph the food :)
Thank you again to all of you. I don't think I could do this without you.
I tell you though, when I got home I was so tired. Probably just for the reason that I haven't really gotten out and gone anywhere since starting chemo. I think sometimes the more you sit around the more you want to sit around. I know that sounds like there's an easy fix for it but sometimes I just don't want to get up and move. Well I go from the bed to the couch and then in about an hour or two I take my little trip and go back to the bed :) I figure I'm getting my exercise just going back and forth. lol.
This was a pretty good weekend. I've felt closer to my old self than I have in a couple of weeks. I even put makeup on :) One thing about feeling better is I'm able to help around the house. Poor Dan, he's taken it all on, cleaning, cooking, laundry. He's has been so great thorough all of this. This weekend though I'm getting some things done. Can you believe how happy I am to do a little housework. No sweeping due to the port but dishes and laundry. Don't I sound excited? Is that sad or what. Chores make me happy HAHAHAHA
Now don't ask me ask me about it next weekend...I'm sure it won't last.
I'm adding a couple of pics of gifts that I have received from people. It's just a couple. I have received SO many. I think when I get gifts from now on I'm going to take a picture right then so I don't forget. Well I probably won't photograph the food :)
Thank you again to all of you. I don't think I could do this without you.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Side effects keep you sidelined.
Nov 18th I went to the doctor yesterday, seems I spend a lot of time there lately. I went thinking it was only for bloodwork but hey I got to see Doc Whitaker too, BONUS. What a nice guy he really is. He spends time with me discussing my treatment and future options. That's different than most doctors I think. He said blood work all came back good and he thinks that the tumor even feels a little softer. MIRACLE!!!. I know it's just the first visit after the first chemo but I'll take each step as a milestone Woot, Woot.
Doc discussed with me some of the side effects that chemo has. Never to late to talk about them right? lol Okay let's see.....headaches, nausea, dry mouth, metal taste in my mouth, bone ache, and heartburn, hmmmm am I leaving anything out? lol. I now have a medication regime. Really? me? I never thought that would happen, He said that apparently I am one of the few that will be experiencing all that chemo has to offer, good and bad. And what I said to him? I'm giving him 6 months, that's it. Summer will then be here and I just will not have time for all of this. He just laughed and said okay you got it. So 6 months feeling yucky and bald, I think I can do it. No you know what, I can do it.
While I was going thru the worst part of the week I told Dan, you know what, little children with cancer go thru this. My heart goes out to them. I never knew or even imagined this is what they have to go through. Surely if an innocent, small and sick child can handle this then so can I....
I worked today for the first time since chemo. It took me as long to get set up to work from home as I worked, almost. It felt good to do something that is "normal". I tried to start work on time but of course woke with a headache. Finally around noon I got signed on. It felt like I had been away for ever. I kept asking my coworkers a lot of questions. In my job things can change quickly and the one thing you don't want to do is give a customer the wrong information :P I think it was a good day back. I'm going to try a full day tomorrow. Cross your fingers.
Thanks again to everyone for everthing. There's no way for me to list everything that has been done for Dan and I, and no way to list everyone that has done the giving. I just keep saying thank you. As you've heard me say before and I'll keep saying, "I knew I liked everyone but Wow what a wonderful surprise when so many like you back" It's a true blessing.
Doc discussed with me some of the side effects that chemo has. Never to late to talk about them right? lol Okay let's see.....headaches, nausea, dry mouth, metal taste in my mouth, bone ache, and heartburn, hmmmm am I leaving anything out? lol. I now have a medication regime. Really? me? I never thought that would happen, He said that apparently I am one of the few that will be experiencing all that chemo has to offer, good and bad. And what I said to him? I'm giving him 6 months, that's it. Summer will then be here and I just will not have time for all of this. He just laughed and said okay you got it. So 6 months feeling yucky and bald, I think I can do it. No you know what, I can do it.
While I was going thru the worst part of the week I told Dan, you know what, little children with cancer go thru this. My heart goes out to them. I never knew or even imagined this is what they have to go through. Surely if an innocent, small and sick child can handle this then so can I....
I worked today for the first time since chemo. It took me as long to get set up to work from home as I worked, almost. It felt good to do something that is "normal". I tried to start work on time but of course woke with a headache. Finally around noon I got signed on. It felt like I had been away for ever. I kept asking my coworkers a lot of questions. In my job things can change quickly and the one thing you don't want to do is give a customer the wrong information :P I think it was a good day back. I'm going to try a full day tomorrow. Cross your fingers.
Thanks again to everyone for everthing. There's no way for me to list everything that has been done for Dan and I, and no way to list everyone that has done the giving. I just keep saying thank you. As you've heard me say before and I'll keep saying, "I knew I liked everyone but Wow what a wonderful surprise when so many like you back" It's a true blessing.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Just another manic Monday...oh wait, it's Tuesday :P
Nov 16th Tuesday morning. So far, not a bad day. Not sick today, yah.....I thought I might get up and try to sign on the computer and work from home for awhile. I'm just tired. Dan said to not get on the work phone unless I really feel like talking to my customers. He said I need to sound interested. I am interested, I guess. More interesed in doing something that doesn't revolve around cancer. I talked to some of my peeps, from work, online. They always make me laugh. Isn't email great. Perfect way to keep in touch with out using energy. Let my fingers do the walking (and talking).
I went to a "Live Well Feel Better" class yesterday. It was a nice change. The cancer center does this for women with cancer. The instructor gives you lessons on skin care, hair care, hahahaha, make up etc. She shows you how to tie scarves. I had no idea there were so many ways to wear a scarf. I've never really looked good in a doo rag but by golly I am going to make this work. The other ladies in the class had already lost their hair. Is it insane to feel quilty because I still have mine??? I guess I won't feel too quilty, I was the only one there that has had a hard time with chemo :) One very valuable tip, use double sided tape to hole the wig on. Apparently, they can fly off if it's windy. You all know this will happen to me. It just sounds like something that would happen to me. lol.
My sister in law & her husband came by yesterday with a gift bag. One of the gifts she gave is a St Peregrine pendant. This is the sacred saint of cancer. She also had it blessed. Is this amazing....to be wearing something that has actually been blessed. I really think it's too good for me but hey I'm gonna take it. I put it on and will keep it on, well unless the doctors need me to take it off :) Dave and Judy Kinder gave me Holy Water from Lourdes. I used it the day of my first Chemo and I'm telling you I think the lump has already started shrinking. Isn't it amazing what faith and prayer can accomplish. Between the water and the pendent I feel very blessed. I know that God is watching over me.
When I was diagnosed with this it was a shock as all of you know. NO ONE in my family has ever had breast cancer, hardly any cancer that I am aware of. Dan and I were talking, which we do a heck of a lot of now, and I told him....God gave me this for a reason. I'm not sure why at this point but I know there is a reason. I just have to find the it. Maybe nothing more than to realize how much my family and friends mean to me. I do know, however, that if you pray to God for courage, does he give you courage or give you a reason to be couragous. If you pray for hope, does he give you hope or give you a reason to be hopeful. If you pray to be a better person does he make you a better person or give you the opportunity to show the kind of person you are...I hope I come out of this a better person. Always know that each and everyone of you mean the world to me. You keep me strong.
Now, one more thing before I go, I'm posting a picture of the rowdy bunch I work with. Take a look.
I went to a "Live Well Feel Better" class yesterday. It was a nice change. The cancer center does this for women with cancer. The instructor gives you lessons on skin care, hair care, hahahaha, make up etc. She shows you how to tie scarves. I had no idea there were so many ways to wear a scarf. I've never really looked good in a doo rag but by golly I am going to make this work. The other ladies in the class had already lost their hair. Is it insane to feel quilty because I still have mine??? I guess I won't feel too quilty, I was the only one there that has had a hard time with chemo :) One very valuable tip, use double sided tape to hole the wig on. Apparently, they can fly off if it's windy. You all know this will happen to me. It just sounds like something that would happen to me. lol.
My sister in law & her husband came by yesterday with a gift bag. One of the gifts she gave is a St Peregrine pendant. This is the sacred saint of cancer. She also had it blessed. Is this amazing....to be wearing something that has actually been blessed. I really think it's too good for me but hey I'm gonna take it. I put it on and will keep it on, well unless the doctors need me to take it off :) Dave and Judy Kinder gave me Holy Water from Lourdes. I used it the day of my first Chemo and I'm telling you I think the lump has already started shrinking. Isn't it amazing what faith and prayer can accomplish. Between the water and the pendent I feel very blessed. I know that God is watching over me.
When I was diagnosed with this it was a shock as all of you know. NO ONE in my family has ever had breast cancer, hardly any cancer that I am aware of. Dan and I were talking, which we do a heck of a lot of now, and I told him....God gave me this for a reason. I'm not sure why at this point but I know there is a reason. I just have to find the it. Maybe nothing more than to realize how much my family and friends mean to me. I do know, however, that if you pray to God for courage, does he give you courage or give you a reason to be couragous. If you pray for hope, does he give you hope or give you a reason to be hopeful. If you pray to be a better person does he make you a better person or give you the opportunity to show the kind of person you are...I hope I come out of this a better person. Always know that each and everyone of you mean the world to me. You keep me strong.
Now, one more thing before I go, I'm posting a picture of the rowdy bunch I work with. Take a look.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
OMG!!!
Nov 14th Sorry I haven't typed anything for a while. Let me just say that Chemo, kicks your butt. I don't think it's the cancer that kills you it's the treatment. Well not really but maybe just feesl like it. I'm not one to have the flu or even be in bed for more that a day so this is definitely not a norm for me. I think I've slept more in the last 4 days than I've been awake. No energy at all. I walk from the bedroom to the living room and just lay down on the couch or the bed, whichever is closest. The nurses say there is a "miracle" drug that keeps you from being nauseated during chemo but can you believe it I was allergic to it. I started breaking out in hives. I think they are going to try it again on the next treatment but maybe with benedryl or something, I'm not sure but I know I'll take the hives over this anytime.
I can't even begin to thank everyone and how wonderful you have all been. Cards, texts, voicmails, food and flowers have been coming everday. I have the best support system ever. All of you have been a great source of strength to me.
I got my wig yesterday. My friend CC took me to get it. Okay, it's a wig. I'm sure I will like it once my hair is all gone but right now......it looks like a wig. LOL. The ladies at the shop were trying several different ones on me, even one that was kinda blonde. I don't think i can pull off being a blonde. There was a colts blue one though that I wouldn't mind having :) I'll get a pic of me in the wig and post it soon. I think it will fit better once my hair is gone so I probably won't get a pic for a week or so.
For those of you that are interested I have pink bracelets. The girls at work got them to show support for me. Please let me know and I'll get them to you or you are welcome to stop by and get one.
Well I'm closing for now. I'll try to be on again tomorrow.
Thank you for all of your prayers.
I can't even begin to thank everyone and how wonderful you have all been. Cards, texts, voicmails, food and flowers have been coming everday. I have the best support system ever. All of you have been a great source of strength to me.
I got my wig yesterday. My friend CC took me to get it. Okay, it's a wig. I'm sure I will like it once my hair is all gone but right now......it looks like a wig. LOL. The ladies at the shop were trying several different ones on me, even one that was kinda blonde. I don't think i can pull off being a blonde. There was a colts blue one though that I wouldn't mind having :) I'll get a pic of me in the wig and post it soon. I think it will fit better once my hair is gone so I probably won't get a pic for a week or so.
For those of you that are interested I have pink bracelets. The girls at work got them to show support for me. Please let me know and I'll get them to you or you are welcome to stop by and get one.
Well I'm closing for now. I'll try to be on again tomorrow.
Thank you for all of your prayers.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Today is the day
Nov 10th Well it's here. The big C day, I seem to say "Big C" a lot lately. It's stands for several things...chemo, cancer, crying, and mostly chaos. Wow, what a crazy 2 weeks. On to new adventures.
I have updated my blog to add a couple of pics. Thought you might all like to see in pictures what's going on. Let me know what you think. I like reading your comments. I really think this blog has helped me so much. It's a great way to express my thoughts. Don't always take everything I say, however, as how it is. Sometimes my feelings are out there and once I write them down I can make sense of them. I know confusing right? As most of you know, my norm is to speak before thinking. Michael told me I may get a book deal out of it when I'm finished. hahaha, always the comedian. Hmmm wait, maybe a movie, Sandra Bullock to play me, no Halle Berry, have you seen the haircut :) JK.
Well back to today. I think I'm ready. Bought everthing on my list, have spoken to a friend of mine that has breast cancer also, and got some good tips from her and after a panic attack yesterday and calling my terrific HR person, I'm all prepared. Didn't go to girlscouts for nothing.
Lisa, my HR rep, went over, AGAIN, my benefits. I wonder how many times she'll have to explain them to me???? Really all and all ELFCU has great benefits. I guess I never paid attention to how the insurance, heaven for bid, or the disability worked. I think we'll be good. Gotta love Anthem and someplace called RMS Disability. Maybe next year when we discuss our insurance enrollment options I'll listen better:) My boss, Shelly, assured me my job will be held for me and I can work off and on if I'm feeling up to it. Can't beat that with a stick and of course there's always Dan. Shhh, don't tell him I said that :)
Did I mention earlier that I do feel blessed, even going thru all of this, or maybe because of this. Sometimes it takes an act of God to show you what you have. At least for those of us that can't take a hint or stop to smell the roses, and you all know who you are. lol
I'll try to write more tonight or tomorrow depending on how I'm feeling. Heck, Michelle and Rock talked about going out, hmmmmm maybe this weekend? I'll let you all know.
Love you all.
I have updated my blog to add a couple of pics. Thought you might all like to see in pictures what's going on. Let me know what you think. I like reading your comments. I really think this blog has helped me so much. It's a great way to express my thoughts. Don't always take everything I say, however, as how it is. Sometimes my feelings are out there and once I write them down I can make sense of them. I know confusing right? As most of you know, my norm is to speak before thinking. Michael told me I may get a book deal out of it when I'm finished. hahaha, always the comedian. Hmmm wait, maybe a movie, Sandra Bullock to play me, no Halle Berry, have you seen the haircut :) JK.
Well back to today. I think I'm ready. Bought everthing on my list, have spoken to a friend of mine that has breast cancer also, and got some good tips from her and after a panic attack yesterday and calling my terrific HR person, I'm all prepared. Didn't go to girlscouts for nothing.
Lisa, my HR rep, went over, AGAIN, my benefits. I wonder how many times she'll have to explain them to me???? Really all and all ELFCU has great benefits. I guess I never paid attention to how the insurance, heaven for bid, or the disability worked. I think we'll be good. Gotta love Anthem and someplace called RMS Disability. Maybe next year when we discuss our insurance enrollment options I'll listen better:) My boss, Shelly, assured me my job will be held for me and I can work off and on if I'm feeling up to it. Can't beat that with a stick and of course there's always Dan. Shhh, don't tell him I said that :)
Did I mention earlier that I do feel blessed, even going thru all of this, or maybe because of this. Sometimes it takes an act of God to show you what you have. At least for those of us that can't take a hint or stop to smell the roses, and you all know who you are. lol
I'll try to write more tonight or tomorrow depending on how I'm feeling. Heck, Michelle and Rock talked about going out, hmmmmm maybe this weekend? I'll let you all know.
Love you all.
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