The eyes have it

Feb 23rd  The one thing I didn't know, among many, is that when you don't have eyelashes your eyelids stick together when you blink :)  It's the strangest thing.  Apparently, those little lashes are there for more than pretty eyes hahaha.  As long as my eyes stay moist it isn't so bad but if the old eyes dry out, which because they are old they do, they stick.  It kinda makes blinking annoying.  Does anyone know how to stop this.  The other side to this is that any lotion, cream, makeup etc you put on your eyes seems to seep into your eyes without the lashes to protect them.  Boy, they do a lot of work.  When I wash my face and then do my daily regime my eyes will burn for an hour.  Okay... wrinkly eyes or burning eyes hmmmm ???? that's a tough one.
Met with my girls for a night out last week.  Wow, what great friends I have.  There was a huge crowd.  I hope I got to talk to everyone.  I would never want to leave anyone out.  I can't believe people still buy me gifts.  How fun is that.  I got a foot care gift.  How excellent.  I have neuropathy in my feet so that gift is truly appreciated.  I received a beautiful breast cancer statue.  I have never seen one like it.  It looks great on my coffee table.  I am truly blessed with love.  As long as I'm alive I will never be able to pay it forward.  I will give it a good try though.  Are we all put here for a purpose?  How do we find what that purpose is?  How do we know if we've found it?  That's a question for the ages.

A Tonsillectomy

Feb 16th     No new news from the surgeon.  He really just discussed the surgery and what would happen.  Nothing we didn't already know.  He's very good about talking with us and NEVER rushes us out of the office. That's very different than a lot of doctor visits :) 
The one thing I have noticed with doctors however, is that with doctors, especially specialists, everything is kinda "matter of fact".  I understand why it is that way with them.  They do this stuff every day...to an oncologist, a person with cancer, well that's what they do for a living, it's not anything exceptional.   But?  it feels exceptional to me.  I will say, that today, I'm a little sad.   I'll get over this feeling I'm sure.  I always do.  For the most part I'm a pretty upbeat person.  Dan makes sure of that :)  He always looks at the bright side.  It's just amazing to me that these medical workers talk about a double mastectomy with lymph node removal like they are discussing a tonsillectomy.  Okay, maybe not quite like that, but that's how it sounds.     Really, if I think about it I don't want them acting like it's a "big" deal.  You really want the nurses, Oncologist, Surgeon etc to do these procedures enough to be experts at them.   How scary would that be if this procedure was such a big deal for them?  hahaha.  No 1st timers for me please.  As much as I want my doctors to not make this a big deal, it feels like a big deal to me.  This feels life altering.  What they are removing has been a part of me for almost 50 yrs.  It's a part of who I am, a part of what I look like.  Okay, for those of you that know what I look like, they aren't a BIG part of what I look like : P but still a part.   I guess if I really think about it, my tonsils have been with me for just as long.  Maybe this surgery is like a tonsillectomy :)

Surgeon

February 15th  I have an appointment with my surgeon today.  I'm a little nervous.  Ready to get it over with however.  I always think the unknown is a bit scary.  I'm sure the news I get today won't be a shock.  The doctors have kept me pretty much up to date I think.  It could be due to all the unending questions I have.  I probably drive them nuts :)  The more I read the more questions I ask.  I bet docs hate the Internet huh? 

You are braver than you believe,

stronger than you seem, and

smarter than you think.

Christopher Robin

Surgery

Feb 10th  I meet with my surgeon on Monday.  We will be discussing when I will be having the surgery.  My last chemo is on Wednesday so I guess we're getting our ducks in a row.  Dr Whitaker informed Dan & I that his recommendation is to have a double mastectomy and lymph nodes removed.  Hmmm, well that wasn't in the game plan at the beginning of this marathon.  Okay, so we'll deal with it.  I asked the doc about reconstruction, in his normal upbeat tone, oh he said, the surgeon will remove them and the plastic surgeon will do the new ones at the same time.  Great!  only one surgery.  Well, during my chemo Dr Whitaker came back to talk with Dan and I again.  He and the other team of doctors have decided that we shouldn't do the reconstruction immediately.  We should wait approximately 6 months to a year.  The decision is all based on my recovery, radiation therapy etc. 
So let's see,  no hair, no eyebrows, no eyelashes and no finger nails.  Now no boobs?  Well, I do have a few eyelashes, just not bottom lashes.   Everyone that thinks I'm going to look like something out of a sci fi novel raise their hands.  Wait, what is the name of that cat that's hairless?  Can you say "scary"

Words to live by...

This isn't my normal entry, but something my dear sister in law has as a tag line on her emails.  I think it describes  the long term side effects of cancer better than anything else.  I come across sayings often but never post them even though they are so important.  I think I'm going to change that.  The words are TOO valuable.


"Don't wait. The time will never be just right."
-Napoleon Hill