Snow? Again?

Jan 31st   Another snow` storm??? Are you kidding me?  I hate to tell you this but I really think the nasty weather is here until the middle of February.  That is when I finish my chemo.  Now I'm not so vain to think that I control the weather but..... I do believe the snow and cold began about the same time I began chemo, and since every time I have a treatment we get snow, well you do the math.  If that's the case then it would only make sense that once my treatments are over in February then the weather will clear at the same time :)   I look out the window everyday and wish that it would turn warm, and then it dawned on me that when I begin to feel better the weather will begin to feel better.  I had told my Oncologist that he had until summer to fix me so I guess February doesn't sound so bad.   I am such a warm weather person.  I have never liked cold weather.  I'm sure Dan can contest to the amount of times I have complained about the weather, so for my sake please don't ask him about it.  hahaha.  As I sit here with only 2 treatments left I wonder, would chemo have been so horrible if I had been able to be outside, sit in the sun, walk in the yard etc.  I'm sure the side effects would have been the same but maybe the way I handled them would have been different.  Maybe if the sun had been shining, or the flowers growing, would I have been so content to lie in bed?  If there had been home grown veggies, would I have tried harder to eat?  I guess I won't ever know.   Some people love the seasons, I wish I were one of them.   So, if all of this is true, does that mean as the weather starts to turn, so will my health?  Maybe what I told Dr Whitaker is true, that he has until June to fix me.   I think we're going to hit our mark :)

Feeling Good

Jan 28th  This has been a pretty good week.  After the usual re coop period, I really began feeling pretty good on Wednesday.  I'm still tired and still have the sinus infection, but overall not bad.  It's amazing how appreciative you are of the good days.  I even went to Indy with my son this week.  Now granted I didn't get out of the car :) but just getting out really does a body good.   The Steak n Shake milkshake that we got also does a body good :P
Cancer makes you take a detailed look at you life and what is important.  I can't tell you how many times I have taken inventory of it.  I really think I want to change a few things.  Now sure exactly what or how at this point but I know I want to.   Our lives are all we really have.  I know, everyone knows that right?  Well, I don't think so.  We live our lives everyday and never really give it a thought.  I think the cancer has made Dan and I decide we WANT to give our lives a lot of thought.  We really want to make the most of it.  I think we're done giving a lot of time to things that aren't important to us.  Now this sounds really good while I'm sitting here with nothing to do but think but I hope it sticks with me even after.  I don't want to get to the end of my days and say "I  really wish I had done that"  or "I really wish I had spend more time with friends & family".  In the end isn't that what life really is anyway?  The things we do and the people we do it with?  Life is precious  let's enjoy it.   

Night Flashes

Jan 19th.   For all you ladies out there that are pre menopausal let me ask, do you have hot flashes?  Oh my heavens this is the worst.  Chemo, as you can guess, has done this to me and I'm not a bit happy.  These flashes happen all day but night time is the worst.  I probably wake up 4-5 times a night.  The funny thing about them is it's my head that sweats.  Nothing worse than a bald head with beads of sweat.  The doc said to always sleep with a hat on but there is just NO WAY.  The night sweats are a very unpleasant experience, when I get them immediately the blankets are throw off the bed.  As you can guess this may become a problem for Dan....and the dog, which yes sleeps with us.  I guess if I can't sleep I'm going to make sure no one else in the house sleeps either.  Of course, this burning up feeling is followed a few minutes later by the chills so then I have to gather up the blankets and bundle up.  Poor Dan is going to catch a cold going from warm to cold every hour or so.  I think the dog has even started sneezing. 

Boredom

Jan 17th  I've never been the type of person to get bored.  I always can find something to do and if I can't well I invent a project, much to Dan's unhappiness :)  Well, I'm bored now.  Even on days where I don't feel my best I'm bored.  Daytime tv is the worst.  I won't let myself watch HGTV anymore.  I don't feel well enough to start a project and right now I really hate to ask Dan to do it for me.  For a while, every night when Dan came in, I would have a list of little "home improvements" I would like for him to do.  I could tell by his expression that maybe I better hang back for awhile :)  I did start watching the cooking channel but this posed a bigger problem.  I really don't feel like cooking much and when I do feel like working in the kitchen it's hard to cook when food doesn't taste normal to me.  It's hard to be a good cook when food tastes like metal.  So much for taste testing.  hahaha  Since one of the things I can taste is salt, most of my meals would be preserved forever with the amount of salt I put in them I'm sure some of the dinners I've fed to Dan... well let's just say, I think he's put himself on a diet.  Self preservation maybe.

Chemo, good or bad?

Jan 10th.  I've made a decision about chemo, I don't care what kind of medicine your using it's all bad.  Okay, it's not really bad since it's killing the cancer but how it makes you feel... YUCKY!!!.  I spoke to Dr Whitaker about stopping the treatment but that was a definite NO.  He said that we need to be sure that if the cancer has spread to any other organs that we catch it now.  Makes sense,  I guess :)  I will tell you that the nauseousness was much better but unfortunately replaced, however no vomiting, that's a good thing.  The thing I need to always remember is this is chemo...it is a poison.  The good thing, only 3 treatments left.  By the end of February this part will all be over.  I can surely handle this until then.   God doesn't give you anything you can't handle, right?
One other thing that has been happening is skin peeling.  I swear I look like a snake that is shedding it's skin.  I'm sure between the extremely cold weather and the medications I don't have a chance.  I should have bought stock in baby oil, I'd be rich right now, hahaha.  The good thing... I don't have to shave so at least this isn't adding to it.  Even my head is peeling.  When I pull my wig off there's so much flakiness it looks like it's snowing.   I wonder if I can just say I have dandruff.  Do you think anyone would wonder why a bald women has dandruff?  :)

Chemo Eve

Jan 4th  Well I'm here again.. the day before chemo.  This is usually the day that I feel my best.  Thank goodness right :)  I try to get as much done on this day as possible.  It's catch up day.  Let's see, laundry done, bills paid, phone calls made.  I'm even going to go to dinner with my aunt and uncle this evening.  I like to eat a big meal the day before chemo, you know just in case....  Tomorrow is going to be a little different though.  The medication they are giving me in chemo is going to a different drug.  I truly believe my reaction is going to be better.  It can't be any worse right?  :)  Dr Whitaker said the side effects from this med are extreme back pain and exhaustion.  Okay, I think I can handle these 2 things.  NO MORE NAUSEA!!!!! YEA!!!  I'm holding him to this one.  The nurses will start me on a steroid therapy that is suppose to reduce the back pain.  Everyone say a prayer that it works.  Maybe I can begin to get my life back on track.  The one thing that I have found out about myself,  I'm a horrible patient.  I'm very impatient and even though I try not to be, I'm grouchy.  I try to apologize to Dan at least once a day just for being a pain for him.  He never complains but I know this has been very trying for him.  He's a wonderfull caregiver.  He stepped into the role so naturally.  Maybe he missed his calling, maybe he should have been a nurse.  Nurse Dan,  that's got a nice ring to it :)