A new me, well not really.

March 23rd  It's done, finally the surgery is over.  I have been thinking of this surgery since October.  That's when the doctors had first thought the surgery would happen.  On the days leading up to the surgery I kept myself occupied.  I had family come from out of town and I think this really helped to keep my thoughts on something besides myself.  I truly was not nervous, at least not conscience of the fact.  I just kept telling myself, "It is what it is"  Sometimes things happen in life that we really have no control over.  Okay, so most of the time this pertains to my children.  :P  I really believe I went to the hospital with a good frame of mind, however, once the nurse started talking to Dan & I about the procedure it hit me.  This is it.  This is really happening to me.  This whole idea of me having this disease has been surreal to both Dan & I.  It had never been real, until now.  I just kept thinking, they are really going to remove my breast.  What a strange statement this is.  I couldn't even imagine how I would look, how I would feel, how I would handle myself when I came out of surgery. 
Well I did it.  The surgery is over and for the most part I'm still myself.  A little  deformed, a little more sore but I'm still here.  It's still me.  The doctor took the bandages off yesterday.  Dan & I finally got a clear view of the new me.  Not a pretty picture.  I can't say it wasn't a shock but it really is still me.  I guess this is what I have to keep saying to myself.  
Now I'm on to the next step, whatever that may be in this ever changing place I'm in.